1. God is supposed to have said: I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other gods before me, you shall not make for yourself an idol…
Now imagine if your wife, or husband should say the same thing, what would you think?
I am your wife/husband, you will not look at other women/men, and you will not think that anyone else is more good looking or sexy than me!
2. Do not use the Lord’s name in vain…
Interpreted could mean: Don’t call me I’ll call you! / Don’t backchat! / Don’t even think about it!
3. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy…
Stop drinking, tomorrow’s work!
4. Honour your father and your mother…
If you know who they are!
5. You shall not kill or murder…
Unless the MF deserves it or you have armed troops who can do it for you!
6. You shall not commit adultery…
Unless he/she is too damn hot and then make sure you are not caught and don’t take any diseases home with you. And don’t make more babies; and use a fucking condom!
7. You shall not steal…
Unless its public funds and or an African country’s natural resources and its people!
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour…
Unless you have a couple of friends who are willing to bear false witness with you!
9. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife…
Unless she begs you and he is not at home; your neighbour’s husband on the other hand is a whole different kettle of fish altogether. And use a fucking condom!
10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour…
So stop trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses!
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