HOCUS-POCUS

The tooth fairy and the Easter bunny

Sat drinking one night in a bar

When Santa Claus walked in with a swagger

Already drunk and disorderly and itching for a fight

After Snow White had given him shit again

Because she felt guilty that she had been with Mowgli

And Casper the barman had to raise his voice

To calm things down as Jesus walked in with Goldilocks on his arm.

Outside the dwarves were on their knees

And the giants with their swords held high

Were mowing them down left and right

While the sun and the moon were having high tea

And the king was fucking the queen’s daughter

Behind the farmer’s barn while the cows looked on disapprovingly

Asking each other what had become of the world

When even the raindrops were falling skyward.

When I grow up in a million years

I’d want to be an ophthalmologist at night

And during the day I am going to be a conjuror

I’ll charge all the near-sighted followers exorbitant sums

To open their eyes so that they can see

That all the hocus-pocus that they claim to believe

Is what keeps us blind and dumb like the animals on a farm
Each in its own pen in seeming harmony.