Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Blind faith



Everyday I pray
That we will still be free
From the suffering
That consistently places me
Inside a tiny box in your mind
Where I find
My spirit eternally bound
And buried in the same ground
Where your prejudice is found:
And I agonize, taking strain
To move beyond the pain
As I give birth again
To another victim of heartless abuse
Or a perpetrator, hateful and obtuse .

Everyday when I say a prayer
I’m actually praying that God is there.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Untitled # 8



Tender
Like someone’s true love
The dawn unfolds
Majestic.

Fragile

Like a brittle twig

The cup is filled
Over-flowing.

Intent
Like a ravenous passion
The soul rests replete
Fulfilled.

A new day
Breaks.

Untitled # 5



Over the years and beyond the grave
Like dust my very being is moved
From somewhere on the outside I look in
A lone specter terminally removed.

Perverse indulgence within this foreign home
Inevitable mortality the reward
As I try to weave the fabric of my dreams
Just another sad loony living inside my head.

Where do all the smiles reside
After such intensely destructive confrontation
The bonds recede into a vague recollection
An ill-conceived notion of content.

Now this almost severe isolation expands
To encompass yet another life’s theme.

Again Forever



Everything’s looking good
Like you were hoping it would
The mood is set but you need to get
Another drink just in case
Tipsy and ticking with your blood shot nose
Having two of that and one of those
Spending your time having all this fun
Underwear is stuck right up in your bum
But you sit there and lounge about
With a smile on your face and a sensual pout
And you’re trying to take stock
Figuring out the odds of getting fucked
And while you think you have another drink
And the idiot smile gets worse
Like your brain’s in reverse
And when you talk you realise
That you’re losing the plot
Faster than a soap opera story line
So you turn and look in the mirror behind the bar
And even though it is quite far
You think you see a piece of snot
Sticking out on a nostril hair
And you were wishing you had a place where
You could stick your head
But instead you have another drink
And your capacity to think
Takes another blow
When your ex girlfriend walks in looking good
And you realise that you should
Have been someone else’s problem
All along, all alone on your own
And you thought it was because of them
You believed you were such a gem
A treasure to find in an ugly place
But the shit in your head still defines that space
And all you ever were and all you are
And everything that you will be
Will amount to nothing more than another round
Just one more drink because no-one else is around
After you bored them to death
And forced them to endure your breath
You are still surprised that you’re alone
Again forever, if only you had never
Pickled your liver or fried your brain
You still believe you have nothing to gain
By being more of you and less of that
Which you claim to despise
As you lower your eyes and your head
Trying to deal with the dread
And hopeless gloom and doom
That is you staff and your light
As you venture forth each night.

The Colleague



You so often speak about the person you are
About your opinions and views and your take
On life and love and believing in your God
Who is gracious and giving and honest and living.

I sometimes wonder if you realize
That’s it’s you whom you actually despise
With your in-substance and constant lies
And that phoney holier-than-thou disguise.

How can you speak of self respect
How easy it is for you to forget
Do you really believe that none can see
Do you really believe that you’re fooling me?

To live a good life rests in the things you do
Not incessant chatter that’s seldom true
Judging others while you glorify yourself
Never considering your mental health.

Take off the ridiculous uniform and lay down your badge
Bring your thoughts back from the edge
Realize that you can change if you want
Because no-one deserves to be such a cunt.

Bit a this, bit a that...



So, you thought that you’d come out tonight
Finally built up the courage after the last fright
Day and night, hanging in there
Hoping everything will turn out alright.

Rest assured and enjoy the peace of mind
If you look around you will find
A bunch of happy lunatics having a drink
Sharing the shit they think
With anyone who will listen for long enough
These Friday nights can get rough
But never at the Sauce of course.

This is a conducive space
Nothings particularly in your face
Settle down relax, take off your shoes and socks
Welcome to the alumni of hard knocks
We’ve all been around a few blocks
Did our time drank the wine
At the end of the ceremony
When everyone clapped
And stood showing their teeth
Shining in the afterglow of a spotlight
That was not theirs on the night
And would never be for far too many
As they get caught up and trod down
And shoved around until they bend
And break and finally succumb
Or simply pick up a gun one day
And kill the wife and the only child
And in a moment with thoughts running wild
They change their minds but it is too late
And the neighbour rushing in at the gate
Hears another shot that marks the fate
Of the guy who sat in the corner
Always alone and on his own
Smiling and polite every night
For a thousand weeks
As he seeks a pleasant escape
In the embrace of the grape.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Reserved


Yesterday I came home.
After journeying slowly -
I arrived without a bang,
A travel weary mother’s son alone.

In search of so many memories –
Desperate to regain the scattered remains,
Hungry for a visual reintegration with my roots;
Here where the dust of my ancestors’ bones lie.

I knocked at the door,
But no-one appeared.
I knocked again
Then a bouncer came.

False smiles and epaulettes,
I had to pay a tourists’ fee
To set foot or lay a wary eye
On my natural heritage where these strangers reign.

All of the breathtaking splendor
That they travel so far to see
Is mine, but no longer belongs to me
All of this that God bequeathed to me.

I am the son of the native
Slave and masters’ mistress
Whore to my brothers’ sisters
A slave still, to all that I feel.

But still I paid, I went and saw
No-one remembers anymore:
The rock beneath my soles
Didn’t even touch my feet.

Yesterday I came home,
And today I paid a cover-charge
To look upon what God bequeathed to me
All of this that was mine, but no longer belongs to me.
(Cape point. – November 2003)

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Starlight, star bright


For anyone seeking the glitz and glamour of a five-star holiday destination, I can only sympathize with your limited horizons.


I recently arrived in Nieu Bethesda for an extended sabbatical. I was traveling from Cape Town and with each passing kilometer the angst and stresses of urban living were gradually shed and replaced with the anticipation of settling into a new space and the excitement of starting work on my debut novel.

Between the N9 and my destination I pass through Rubidge Kloof and at the apex as the road bends I look down to my left into a lush valley where the farm De Toren lies nestled in the embrace of the surrounding mountains and an spontaneous smile spreads from my face into my soul.

I arrive on a mild autumn morning and even though it is a Friday, the streets are virtually deserted except for a couple of dogs who accompany me to The Karoo Lamb Restaurant where I meet my hosts Ian and Katrin Allemann who are also the owners of Spooky and Gump – who incidentally is appearing in court on Youth Day. They have been settled here in this sleepy little Groot Karoo dorpie for close to thirteen years. We sit on the spacious veranda of The Karoo Lamb – with a menu that includes regular specials of lamb, oxtail or venison potjie in addition to the usual fried Karoo Lamb chops, sandwiches and soups; situated diagonally across from the now famous Owl House – sipping coffee and getting to know each other before I am shown to the Aardvark’s Burrow, a spacious flatlet behind the old church hall where I will be staying for the next six months.
After a steaming shower I walk down the untarred roads of the village, lined with ancient pear trees, willows and variations of cypresses and pines that whisper a welcome as I wander contentedly with the constant accompaniment of rushing water in the Lei Water or water furrows that were built in the 1870’s and in the distance a deeper, more ominous roar of the Gats River which flows strongly after the recent rains.

The locals smile openly and greet with a willingness to stop for a welcoming chat; young men on their way to the local general dealer pass by on horseback with a wave, listening to the tinny music playing on their cell phones; and always in the background, rising majestically above everything else is the snow-capped Compasberg.
That evening at Die RamStal – literally an old ram stable that has been converted into the new pub – there is a bring-and-braai with a few of the local young and old farmers, mingling with some of the resident artists and craftsmen. Naturally everyone is curious about who I am and why I am here and while some approach me and chat, others just eye me surreptitiously until they are a bit more inebriated. Soon the smell of meat on an open fire fills the air and pots of stywepap and sous are added to the equation, making me salivate ravenously while trying my best to stay focused on the conversation I am having with a fellow writer who is also a co-owner of the local book store. The Karoo lamb chops with locally made wors is a carnivore’s dream and after eating my fill, the conversation continues for a while until eventually it is time to call it a night. As I leave the cozy pub I feel the chill breeze blowing down from the mountain and as soon as I leave the comforting glow of light, I stumble along in the pitch dark until I have to stop to regain my bearings and I happen to look up. The momentary panic – a remnant of the receding urban fear – is replaced by a lingering awe at the celestial splendor visible in all of its glory and as I continue on my way I smile once again with the sound of the rushing river and birdsong accompanying my footsteps: and a lone dog, barking in the distance.
The following morning I awake early and am accompanied on my walk by Spooky and Gump who gambol along playfully, oblivious of the frost covered ground. They take me on a guided tour of their favourite haunts over the footbridge and across the river, past the old mill and the Brewery, beyond the verdant fields and farms with doleful sheep watching the dogs warily and eventually back to the Karoo Lamb where the inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and frying bacon reminds me that I have to watch my weight here in the Groot Karoo. Just after nine I visit the Owl House and am completely mesmerized by the sad and lonely beauty of Helen Martin’s expression which was – as is so often the case with great artists – frowned upon in her lifetime but which has now become the lifeblood of this idyllic little Groot Karoo village which has successfully resisted the deceptive allure of what most would consider progress.

I need time to assimilate the experience and opt out of the fossil tour and the visit to the bookstore, choosing instead to sit quietly on my own along the river beneath the trees and ponder the enormity of such dedication. Besides I have time enough to visit all of the interesting places: the bushmen’s paintings at Ganora Guest farm owned by Jan-Peet and Hester Steynberg; the gallery at The Village Inn where they also have a sumptuous breakfast and lunch menu; the award winning sculptor Frans Boekkooi’s working studio; the Kitching Fossil Center where visitors are taken on a guided tour along the river; The Brewery and Two Goats Deli where Andre Cilliers brews a superior Sneeuberg beer and makes his own goat’s milk cheeses; and of course Dustcovers, co-owned by Victoria Nance who with her quirkish smile confesses that she is a seller of rare and collectible books and damn fine reads!

Nieu Bethesda has no Bank or ATM, no streetlights, only the one tarred road which ends four kilometers from town, and no petrol station; it has no neon lights and frills and certainly very little night life – in the conventional sense of the word – just a sky filled with stars and an abundance of old-world character and I for one feel blessed everyday that I awake in this pristine little corner of our beautiful country.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

MORE THAN LINGERING


You do more than just linger
The remembering is so much more
So much more than a mere memory
As this page is transformed into your skin
Being touched by my finger.

The taste of the wine
Each time we sat together
Close, caressing, talking
Drinking in each others’ souls
I always knew you were mine.

I gave myself to you
Even when the giving seemed a contradiction
When it looked like a lie
I shared all of me
And the sharing and giving was true.

Now I can dream again,
I can long and lust
And love again
Dream of making love to you again
And the new day will never be the same.

Filled with yearning for you
Thinking back and hoping and wishing
Remembering the past
Embracing our future
Stilled by this love for you.

Always with this love
This love that has always been yours
When I close my eyes
Each time I see a shooting star
Always for this love.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Bang-Bang


Bang-bang
Banging at the door
In the dead of night
The dark illuminates your fright
As I'm pulled from your bed
Dragged across the floor.
Bang-bang
Banging inside your head
Festering wounds inflicted by structural violence
But the pain illuminates your silence
As you escape into ignorance
Safe in the sewer with the rest of the dead.
Bang-bang
Bullets rip through flesh
Blood stains the road
Bomb blast craters disfigure the landscape
As we turn our attention elsewhere
Crippled and blinded by fear.
Bang-bang
Blatant lies disguise the face of decay
That feeds on complacency
And breeds on greed and callousness
As we bend down and pray
Broken beings lapping up all the shit that we're fed.
Bang-bang
Buildings burn and towers crumble
While our kin continue to die everyday
And not just from guns but from a lack of water
As progress wears another mask
Bowed and bent we play our complicit parts.
Bang-bang
Ons liewe in dread
Gebuig en gedruig tot die mens verdwyn
En al wat oorbly is net vlees en been
As our faces contort around capped smiles
Grimacing as we look but fail to conceive.
Bang-bang
We go through life like phantom players
Trying so hard to ignore the facts:
We need to change these systems that keep us at war
As we hustle and strive just to survive
Brow beaten and bowed, chattering too loud.
Bang-bang
There's no more excuses
All of the rhetoric and skirting are useless
Sharpen the pencils and brushes and chords
As we try to dissect and express what we see
Within this tragedy, of impotent revolution.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

THE TOURISTS



Such lush hues of green
Tinged with shades of autumn
Yellows becoming brown
Eventually falling down
To mingle with the soil and dust
And finally to be reduced to mulch.

The afternoon breeze
Carries a hint of moisture
The sharp edges slightly muted
Low gray clouds filter the harsh rays
Bringing forth cameras to capture
This most magnificent of days.

These kind, silly people so terminally removed
Gaping and gawking at all that they see
Yet missing so much in their ravenous glee
Chittering and chattering, creating so much noise
Talking about nothings from so far away
And missing the heart of silence.

Going through life on a one-night stopover
At the banquet of plenty, eating leftovers.

WEEKEND POST REVIEW! 28 June 2008


‘Waiting‘ lingers on in your mind.
 
WAITING, featuring Peter Mashigo. 
Written by Michael Wentworth 
and directed by Itumeleng Motsikoe
with music by Hilton Schilder. 
Reviewed by Brett Adkins.
 
WORK that revolves around self-
scrutiny is nothing new at the 
festival and, given the South 
African condition, at times there 
seems to be a plethora of it.
Festinos often have to wade 
through a stodgy marsh of material 
before stumbling across something 
that has an eye and ear-pleasing 
edge, that immediately captures 
the imagination and that doesn‘t 
sink into the depths of cliche 
within the first few minutes.
 
Michael Wentworth‘s script is 
certainly not entirely devoid of 
the formula, and there is a degree 
of predictability that pervades it, 
but the winning trick of this 
production is that it is extremely 
well-written.
While there is always evidence of 
an abundance of talent on both the 
main and fringe programmes at the 
fest – across all disciplines – 
the scripts are often all too 
pedestrian, with just glimmers of 
potential.
 
But here there is a solid one- man 
play which, invested in the hands 
of a performer like Peter Mashigo, 
makes a powerful impact while at 
the same time being gently enter-
taining.
Good writing demands a great artist 
to give it life, and Mashigo – a 
commanding stage presence in a big, 
essentially bare performing area – 
does not let the rich monologue go 
wanting.
This is a play about a solitary life 
– solitary in all senses of the word 
– and the always present undercurrent 
of simply waiting.
Waiting for things to get better, 
waiting for the right person to 
step into your life, waiting for 
that life-changing opportunity –  
or, as Mashigo‘s character, Jimmy 
Goeieboom, puts it: “Waiting for 
the show to begin.
As he recounts and takes stock of 
his life, Jimmy not only plays 
himself, but takes on the persona 
of all those who have come into, 
and left, his rocky road existence.
Indeed, the scene in which he 
plays out the meeting of the 
people who actually created his 
life, his young, head-in-the-
clouds 
parents, is one of tenderness 
juxtaposed with shrewd, witty 
observations about love, lust 
and courting. Jimmy‘s birth has 
striking imagery – all the more 
so, because it is portrayed with 
just a single but remarkably 
effective prop.
That sets the stage for the 
telling of the beginnings and 
the rest of Jimmy‘s turbulent 
life and Mashigo paints a vivid, 
colourful landscape across a 
stage furnished with just a 
solitary white bench and a set 
design of white backing screens, 
which allows for the economic use 
of light projections to create a 
particular environment.
 
But all eyes are on Jimmy. And 
that‘s what gives this work that 
elusive edge. Despite its lone 
figure on stage with nothing more 
than the simple clothes he wears, 
it is extremely visual and the 
story of how a human being is 
forced to come to a realisation 
of self through both painful and 
joyous analysis, is one few will 
not be able to identify with.
Instrumentalist Hilton Schilder 
provides dramatic sound backing 
that cleverly punctuates the 
piece and, because it is done so 
sparingly, has double the effect. 
The set and lighting design 
are also understatements which 
serve to isolate and enhance the 
essence of Mashigo‘s performance.
 
Waiting is a play which will 
linger on in your mind much 
later as you reflect on its 
pockets of magic, laughter and 
tension – and, if you do, 
Mashigo, Wentworth and director 
Itumeleng Motsikoe will have 
achieved what they set out to do.